Wednesday, January 8, 2014

"The Violinist"

There was nothing unusual about my day until it happened, it was the same torturous existence that it always was. The same mundane cloud of things happening that I've started to despise more and more as the days progressed. My children had started hating me due to me working "so much". I tried explaining them that working 8 hours a day is normal and that I spend a great deal of time with them but they wouldn't listen, just disrespected me with tomfoolery. None of this was enough to push me over the edge of depression. I was never a depressed person as I considered myself quite the optimist.

One day though I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with a high school student. Not knowing how to react properly to that my first thought was going to a motel with a few of my belongings, wanting to start a new life away from the poison that was my family.

But I didn't want to. This was by no means about me making a bold statement, it was about giving up.

It's true, I had given up on life.

Being in that room surrounded by nothing but bare necessities it wasn't hard to notice when the TV turned on by itself. I thought that maybe I had sat on the remote but such was not the case.

On the TV there was a woman playing the violin with a fiery passion. It sounded nice at first, even relaxing. The tone quickly switched however into a sound that I cannot even describe.

And I felt it all at once.

I felt how my life had no meaning anymore.

I felt my defeat.

My apathy for life.

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